Monday, September 8, 2008

Kicking Me Where It Counts

Eli is so sweet as you all have read on this blog once or 200 times. Sometimes he says sweet things that make me so happy and smile and sometimes he says things that make me want to cry.

Today while we were getting ready for the day Eli said, "Mom, can you pray to Jesus and ask him to put a baby in your tummy?" Gosh what do you say to something like that? Do you use the opportunity to teach your child about prayer? Is this an appropriate thing to use as an object lesson? I did tell him that I could pray for that and so could he. He said that we should pray for two babies " a brudder and a sister."

I have developed some really hard feelings about prayer as of late. If you remember this blog Eli said something cute about going to buy a baby. What I didn't say was that the morning he said that Stewart and I were going in for artificial insemination. The odds of it working were slim but I had hope...or faith...I'm not sure the difference right now. Well it did work! We did get pregnant but it was a tubal pregnancy. Anyway a few other things have happened that have really SUCKED with trying to have another baby.

I don't know how many prayers have been given on my behalf but I know that it's a lot. So what do you tell kids...or yourself? Your prayer will be answered in the Lord's time? It's not in the plan? Have faith. It all seems like cop outs when it comes to having a baby. I don't think that in a few years I'll be able to look back and be glad that things worked out how they did. If we do ever have more children I'll be SO happy and if we end up adopting that will be SO wonderful but I just don't see how this is all part of a plan. Is it all in a plan to "bless" child abusers with children?

Tonight Eli prayed a sweet little prayer about getting "nice babies so that he can play with them." and I hugged and kissed him and secretly hoped that this sweet little prayer would tug the heartstrings of a superior being that would magically put a "baby in my tummy." I will also be saying my prayers for a baby tonight. After all it can't hurt.

12 comments:

Jill said...

Aww, he is so cute. I used to ask my mom the same thing. I have no advice on the prayers or the babies but I hope it happens for you soon! <3

The Haights said...

I ditto Jill. It sucks. I wish I could put a baby in your tummy. I totally would. (Okay.. that sounds kinda twisted. But hopefully you know what I mean.) I really want you to get pregnant and I hope it happens soon!!

Valerie S said...

OK, that post made me cry. I believe that prayers are answered and I've been praying for you for a long time so I'm expecting an answer pretty soon. I'm just so grateful that you have Eli. We love you guys!

jeri said...

Becca, I wish I had something to say. I love you though and will keep praying for you.

Rebecca said...

Thanks for your post. It made me cry. My prayers are with you and the family. Eli is so cute and growing up so big.

Deidra said...

Wow, I had no idea you were going through the same thing we have been going through for the last 4 years. I am so sorry to hear it and surprised that Mike didn't mention it to me, but you know how men are. Zack has been asking for a baby for so long, he has adored babies since..forever. I too have wondered the same things you wonder, what is the point? All I can say is that there is something that someone needs to learn, maybe patience? Also, I think it makes me appreciate motherhood sooo much! It just seems so unfair for our children to go without siblings. We havn't stopped praying at our house for this miracle and you shouldn't either! You will be in our prayers and thoughts.

Lamb Fam said...

So sweet! Eli is such a cute little guy and deserves a little bro or sis. He'll get one one day...

sorensenpower said...

I love you!

Laurel said...

Though I can't complain because I DO have my little Isabel, I know how frustrating it was for us before we WERE able to have her, and I have a small idea of what my brother and his wife are still going through. Your Eli really is the sweetest boy on the planet, and I, too, hope you "can have a baby in your tummy". :) I also know it's not an easy thing to share like you have done, and I'm glad I know to keep you in our prayers!

Maria said...

Becca,

I had no idea! I am sorry to hear about your difficult times! I am very impressed at how you and Stew are handling the trials you are going through. Good Luck!

We love you!

kristi and family said...

kids are so sweet... i can say i totally know how you feel.... it totally SUCKS... BUT, i can say now looking back it was suppose to happen that way... BUT, that doesn't HELP you in any way... i hated it when people would say that to me who weren't in my situation... they had NO idea of the pain and heartache i felt EVERY day for six years of trying for a baby.... good luck, i will keep you in my prayers....

kristi and family said...

hey, read my friends BLOG, it is on my friend list on my blog under the "r house" it is awesome... it is my friend that is always posting about infertility and adoption... her husband is sterile and they have adopted one baby and were suppose to be adopting another son this month but it didn't go through...