Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A month ago

A month ago my mom died.  It feels like it's been forever.  It was so unexpected and fast that no one had time to say goodbye. There are a lot of unanswered questions still connected to her death and that makes it even harder to come to terms with her being gone.  I still think about calling her and telling her something everyday. I think of all the plans that we had with her. She is still needed on earth and I hate not having her.

I know that she is happy and fine.  I know that the "test" for her is over and that she did the best she could. I know she is in a better place now, but that doesn't help with missing her and the anger that comes with losing her. 

My mom was an amazing woman and with her passing I have really had to look at my life and decide what things need to change. I need to be more kind, understanding, accepting and loving.  So many people had wonderful things to say about my mom and I want to take those things they said about her and do them.  She made people feel welcome and loved.

Man I miss her.  Words can't even describe the pain or the feeling of loss. I never could have imagined that it felt like this. I hope that her spirit will always be around me and my kids. I hope that Eli will always remember her. And I hope that everyone with a mother who loves them really appreciate what they have.

7 comments:

Stacy said...

Well said.

Deidra said...

The funeral was so beautiful, it made us all want to be better people. Your mom was so wonderful, I can't imagine your pain. We pray for your family and hope you can have peace.

Rebecca said...

Becca, so sorry to hear about your mother. Our prayers are with you and your family. Always show pictures and share stories with your kids and they won't forget about her.

Maria said...

Becca- I can't even imagine how hard this past month has been. It is a true test that you and your family are so strong. What a great legacy your mom has left!

Jill said...

I still can't even believe it. You have more of your mom in you than you think - Clint told me a few weeks ago that the same accepting and non-judging feeling he got from your mom he has always felt with you too. She was an amazing beautiful person. Love you so much!

Shayla said...

I am so sorry Becca. I know you love her so much and I am sure she is very close to you and your sweet family. I remember your mother as a creative, kind, selfless person...who LOVED her family. Love you!

Kim said...

Becca I can't imagine what you are feeling. Another friend of ours lost their mother just after you. She just didn't wake up one morning. I hate that as we get older, death of loved ones comes with it and it never seems quite fair when they are young and had a lot of life left in them. I hope you find peace from it all and know that she will never leave you. She will always be there with you especially when you need her the most!