Friday, October 26, 2007

My little boy is a MAN'S MAN!!!

My son rocks. I realized the other day, that my cute little boy is more manly than most of the "men" I see every day. The latter can usually be seen, masquerading themselves as real men:
  • Protectors of the environment - They prominently display their hemp, long hair, and trendy brand name outdoor apparel - making them morally superior to those of us who wantonly cut down trees for fun on the weekend and dump our used car oil in pristine mountain streams.

  • Wanna be "Gangstas" - Usually, these "hardened thugs" hail from the "ghettos" of Farmington, Tremonton, Bountiful, etc... Their over sized jerseys, gold chains, and sideways ball caps keep them looking pretty fly... for white guys.

  • Raging sports fans - "Dude, I know I'm pushing 300 lbs and spend most of my time on the couch, but my team rocks!!! I live vicariously through whatever team is currently kicking butt, so I ROCK!!" You are aware that YOU didn't win the super bowl, right? How about we play a game of one on one right now and you can show me how awesome you are...
There are more men imitators out there, but this list is enough to get my point across. Anyways, back to my son who so masculine that he might grow up to be the next Chuck Norris (who merits a separate post altogether...). For instance:

Check out Eli's war face. If you are a man and you just wet yourself at the sight of a firearm, you now know you are a fake man and should hang your head in shame. For those of you are really concerned, we followed the 4 rules of firearm safety - so go change your under roos and keep reading...

Even when Eli is doing housework, he never forgets that he's a man - notice the boots. Who says "there aren't any more cowboys?".

Eli is capable of surviving harsh conditions with little to no equipment - witness his dance of jubilation after starting a fire with only a nail and a shoe lace. At the right, you can see him surviving the perils of antarctic tundra at a scientific survey base - he lost 2 toes on that trip.

Eli strives to keep himself in good shape - he does a lot of pull ups and kung fu off the couches. It keeps him ready for "the zombie uprising" as he likes to say. Your body is a weapon, keep it finely tuned. Are you "men" listening out there?

Specialization is for insects - Eli does it all, and he does it well. Here he is behind the stick of a UH-60 Blackhawk, ready to insert troops into harm's way. Also, like any good pilot, he's doing a careful preflight inspection of his AH-64A Apache attack helicopter.
Above all, discipline makes a real man - learn from Eli, sissy boys - or he'll kick sand in your eyes and steal your women.


The Haights said...

He's a cute little man!!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh Stewert, you are hilarious!