A month ago

My mom

A month ago

A month ago my mom died.  It feels like it's been forever.  It was so unexpected and fast that no one had time to say goodbye. There are a lot of unanswered questions still connected to her death and that makes it even harder to come to terms with her being gone.  I still think about calling her and telling her something everyday. I think of all the plans that we had with her. She is still needed on earth and I hate not having her.

I know that she is happy and fine.  I know that the "test" for her is over and that she did the best she could. I know she is in a better place now, but that doesn't help with missing her and the anger that comes with losing her. 

My mom was an amazing woman and with her passing I have really had to look at my life and decide what things need to change. I need to be more kind, understanding, accepting and loving.  So many people had wonderful things to say about my mom and I want to take those things they said about her and do them.  She made people feel welcome and loved.

Man I miss her.  Words can't even describe the pain or the feeling of loss. I never could have imagined that it felt like this. I hope that her spirit will always be around me and my kids. I hope that Eli will always remember her. And I hope that everyone with a mother who loves them really appreciate what they have.

Effusive Eli

My cute son Eli has some words of wisdom to share...

Effusive Eli

Eli has had some major life events happen lately.  First a new baby, then a trip to Disney World (minus his parents) and now he's out of first grade.  He has taken to his new role of big brother wonderfully and is so sweet and helpful.   Here are some Eli moments that have happened recently...well maybe some not so recently but I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget and that's pretty good in my opinion.

Today Eli said "Mom, do you think life is pretty hard when Knox cries a lot like he did today?" (Knox has been pretty fussy.)
Me: "oh no, it's just a way for him to get his energy out. If we try to feed him and change him and hold him and he's still fussy then we just can let him cry."
Eli: "well, I just wanted you to know that you can always ask me for help."

That is typical Eli. He's SO SWEET.  He seriously is so caring and thoughtful.

At the store yesterday I was buying a bunch of yogurts and Eli was shocked and excited.  "why are you buying so much yogurt?! You never buy so much yogurt!"  Then I let him get a donut and he was even more surprised, "What's gotten into you?! You never buy so much good stuff. This is the kind of mom I like."  Apparently I'm usually some sort of ogre when it comes to grocery shopping. This sort of benevolent behavior continued though because today I made him a s'more in the microwave. Tonight when I was kissing him goodnight he said, "you seen to be feeling really good.  You made me a s'more and you came downstairs with me" (we played a video game for 10 minutes or less...haha) "I don't know what's gotten into you but I like it."

Stewart recently watched Eli (this was pre-Knox) and when I came home Eli knew all sorts of great things like how to pants people, how to keep from getting pantsed, and what mooning is all about. I was lamenting this sort of behavior and Eli proclaimed, "awww I just LOVE what that guy teaches me."

When Eli found out that his Aunt Leesa had a boyfriend (now fiance) and they kissed he said "I can't believe she finally let a boy touch her lips!"  Ha ha Leesa was known to be scared of boys until recently.

Eli's uncle Jed is in high school and apparently saw some girls fighting one day. On facebook he posted about it and I was reading the post to Stewart. Eli was there and heard and asked a few questions about it. He thought about it for a minute and then said, "hmm that must have been interesting to see some chicks fight."

 

Eli is a sweet little guy who still loves his mom. He asked me if we could do something together just us because I'm always taking care of Knox. I love that Eli isn't afraid to show his love for his mommy.

Introducing Knox

Come see the new baby and read the super duper long birth story. Seriously...it's long.